The brown aunties are a rare specimen of the brown community. We say rare because although they outnumber us, it is impossible for us to ever replicate them. Their qualities and personalities are so unique, we have to admit they just might be talented since birth. But, if you’re ever interested in being one, here’s your helpful guide (perhaps costume idea for next Halloween?)
Be More Interested In Others
One of the most important traits is to always be more interested in the other and be ignorant of your own self. Keep a diary of who is about to turn 20 in your family, which son is doing what job, who has had how many kids, and who has how much money. This will help you network and also give the best taunts when the time comes. Eat a lot of almonds to remember all this.
Take Care of Your Eyes
Your eyes are a very important tool in your toolbox. You have to rotate them around the room to pick out small details like which brand is used where and also move them up and down to evaluate humans. Are they fat or are they not? How much skin is showing? Your eyes really will become the windows to the world.
Gossip Over Oxygen
For brown aunties, gossiping is the core of their universe. It’s what makes them excited and gives them a purpose to live. Start gossiping every chance you get be it at home or outside to keep the other person engrossed. Your analysis is very important. Don’t forget to say “sannu ki?” at the end.
Hide Everything of Yourself
Brown aunties also passionately and severely believe in nazar. It’s as if the entire world is only existing to put nazar on their belongings alone. They will hide everything of their own and keep it a secret while also giving sadaqah every 10 minutes to ward off the evil eye. Extra points for wearing the evil eye bracelet.
Lament About The Young Generation
The young generation is their enemy because they finally have started responding back to the brown aunty’s taunts. Constantly talk about how kids of today have no respect for elders and how their life is ruined since they marry so late and have such less children!
Match-make For Everyone
Lastly, you need to be always matchmaking. At day, at night and in your dreams. Match every girl you see with any boy you know without their parents’ invitation. “Iski shaadi isse kara dou, set hojayeinge” should be one of your typical dialogues.
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